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The Causes of Sex Addiction

The causes of sex addiction include different combinations to differing degrees of the following:

• Early sexualization (exposure to age inappropriate sexual material or behavior).

• 81% - Sexual abuse (overt or covert – including early sexual exposures as above).

• 97% - Emotional Abuse (really anything less than a loving act could be thought of as abuse – so we all carry emotional abuse wounds from childhood).

• 72% - Physical abuse – when one or both parents is in denial of or irresponsible with their own emotional experience, including rage and anger, then the child will carry that emotion (Patrick Carnes, 2005).

These are just some of the Causes of Sex Addiction!

There are many more factors involved in the making of a sex addict. Consider the style of parenting in the home – Was it rigid or submissive, disengaged or engaged? A few statistics:

Patrick Carnes’ research indicates that 87% of the families of sex addicts included more than one addict in the home.

77% of sex addicts grew up in rigid family systems.

87% of sex addicts grew up in disengaged family systems.

And… 68% of sex addicts grew up in both rigid and disengaged family systems.

Does the rigid family system sound familiar? People change, circumstances change, but the rules never change - Acceptance and validation require being perfect - no one is perfect - so the message is that you are never enough, you're a failure, or maybe you're just plain broken.

This child may decide that they really can’t ever get it right and after a while they just give up trying - the future Scapegoat - or they keep on seeking to please and get the love they think lies on the other side of perfection - the future Hero.

Maybe one day he or she will discover that the rules are what we say but what we do in the family is quite another thing. He or she may begin to learn the truth of the family through snooping and covert behavior (acting out what was modeled in the family - secrecy becomes the norm).

A disengaged family really has no rules. No one watches. No one seems to care. A Lonely, and terrifying life for a child.

The disengaged family is preoccupied with other things and just can’t be bothered with the needs of a child – work comes first (even when Dad "makes every game" – the message is the same – work comes first), or alcohol and drugs come first, or maybe food, or exercise. The bottom line is that the child rarely comes first. The story of a lonely and fearful childhood. Could this be a Cause of Sex Addiction?

The overly engaged family places its emotional needs on the shoulders of the child. They over protect or they falsely empower the child to believe that he or she can behave just well enough to keep mom or dad happy. Wasn't the story supposed to be about the parents caring for the kid? Not the other way around!

Now consider these two basic systems together (Rigid and Disengaged) and throw in a little emotional, sexual, and physical abuse. Is it any wonder that this child would latch on to the first feel-good experience they could find? Very often their first comfort is found in masturbation and sexual fantasy. A child or young person inclined to find an escape from the reality of their life will never forget those early sexual experiences (you wouldn't want the same child exposed to powerful drugs at such an age either, but yet we normalize early sexual exposure with many boys and young men).

Keep in mind that kids often act out their parents unresolved issues Often their parents' issues include sexual addiction.

The Causes of Sex addiction are frequently generational.