Sexual Addiction Recovery

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The "Black Hole" of Sexual Dependency

I first heard the term “Black Hole” to describe Sexual Dependency from Patrick Carnes, PhD and it makes too much sense not to use it again here. What Dr. Carnes refers to is the problem of how addicts seek to fill the emptiness inside with all things external.

Sexual dependency - Like all addictions - serves 4 purposes:

Addicts get High.

Addicts get out of control with any one or any combination of these drugs or behaviors to get high, numb out, or check out, or preoccupy themselves with how well they are not "doing it."

Are they plain crazy? Hedonistic?

When the sex or pornography addict is out of control, they regress back to skills and defenses learned early in life to survive or simply endure their childhood experience – an experience that may have been unsafe, lonely, or painful. Addictive behaviors may have helped them survive.

The good news is that they DID survive. The bad news is that the addict never learned how to LIVE!

It was more important to behave a certain way to please certain caregivers. The addict often took care of a parent's needs in one way or another and learned to live as little adults in children’s bodies.

Now they have behave like children in adult’s bodies – this is a Problem.

Sex Addicts become like the walking dead in their own homes. It’s as though the souls they once had, have been snatched away by an overwhelming craving. They abandon themselves just as they were abandoned, neglected, or abused by others as children.

Now these same survival behaviors harm and offend the people they say they care most about.

Those same people may love the addict but likely despise the behaviors - they remember the precious human being, but without real change, they will need to grieve his or her loss in order to be well themselves.

Could the addict honor them with the truth rather than trying to protect them with lies? Could the sexual dependent still be loved if all were on the table?

Does this sound familiar? I implore you to get some help and discover that you are not alone and don’t need to do it alone – you’re plenty bright, but odds are good that your judgment is impaired.

Get help! Take the risk of being known, and begin to learn how to live and not just survive!

Please don’t wait. It really doesn’'t just go away on its own!

End the Sexual Dependency and Get the help you need.

Email your questions and take a first step!