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Contact the Sonoran Healing Center today! A process that WORKS What are the Signs of Addiction?Are there objective Signs of Addiction? Well,you’ve heard it said that “Only an addict can claim that he or she is an addict”, well if that’s true, then I guess only a duck could claim being a duck! But I see the feathers, I hear the quack and it waddles when it walks – sure looks like a duck to me! So, I’ll go out on a limb here and say that I can trust a few objective things to tell me when I’m speaking with an addict or just someone having a bad hair day. In other words, I’m about to buck tradition and call out the signs of addiction, call an addict an addict, and try to help you see the same objectively in yourself or in the behavior of those you love. Here are the Basics: 1. Loss of Control – Most people remember moments when they might say they had "lost control." For some it meant looking at pornography at work, taking the flirting at the office too far, or saying inappropriate things at the party. The average person learns from such an experience and takes steps to see that it doesn't happen again. 2. Compulsivity – For the addict, it does happen again, and again, and again... This is what we call a pattern of being "out of control" or a habit. A habit of behaving outside of one’s values - otherwise, why keep it a secret? 3. Efforts to Stop – One of the clearest signs of addiction is simply failed efforts to stop the behavior. The shame of living outside of one's morals and values, keeping secrets, and living a secret life eventually becomes unbearable and efforts are made to stop - but these secret efforts fail. “I really did everything I could to be sure that this never happened again – and It did” 4. Loss of Time – “It's just a little porn - all guys do it, right?” But not for four hours! Ever chat for hours? Ever get stuck on whether he or she called, emailed, or texted – for hours? Time is lost in the action of a compulsive behavior. 5. Preoccupation – How much do I need to say about this one? Sex addicts – scratch that – All addicts – preoccupy about the object of their dependency. It is one of the clearest signs of addiction to think about “it” just about all the time. The function of Fantasy is to give us a sense of power and control. "Many of us stay in Fantasy or Preoccupation most of our lives. Addicts miss the moment – Life is happening now and they're lost in space! Sadly, they can look a lot like the walking dead…" 6. Inability to Fulfill Obligations – Start with the obvious – we have an obligation to honor and respect the ones we love beginning with simply Keeping our word. Is the addict keeping their word when they surf pornography, get a sexual massage, or take lunches at a strip club? Do they live love as a verb in their lives or is love an empty word devoid of real meaning? If the addict loved as he or she would like to be loved, then they would do what they say and say what they’ll do. There would be no signs of addiction "Words could then REALLY be trusted!" 7. Continuing Despite Consequences – Most people that lose a job, steal money from the family to have sex with prostitutes, or risk a marriage because “they wouldn’t have sex with me the way I wanted or as often as I wanted” - change their behavior! Addicts continue despite the consequences. 8. Escalation – It takes more and more intensity to reach the same level of arousal. An addict of any stripe knows the mantra of “more, more, more…” 9. Losses – Over time the addict loses everything. If your losses are few, thank God you found your way to recovery before your losses become many. We all have something we haven’t lost “yet.” 10. Withdrawal – Sex addicts experience a physical withdrawal much like that of the cocaine addict. It makes sense when you consider that they both stimulate the same chemistry in the brain. By the way, is it any wonder that cocaine and other stimulants are so often associated with sex addiction? When the above signs of addiction add up, then there simply IS a Problem. I don’t think anyone raises their hand and says “sign me up for a sex addiction!” This is not how it was supposed to work out. You should not have been exposed to what you may have been exposed to – and certainly not at that age. What happened was not your fault and you may have needed this relationship with sex and sexual fantasy to survive as a child or adolescent - but today you ARE responsible for how you behave. The Good News is that you DID Survive – Now it’s time to learn how to live!
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